You can ask me anything. If you can’t find the information you need on any of the links or these pages, well this is the place for you. Please note that I am not a Tango expert. I am just a lady who has been dancing in London the last four+ years and can only give you the benefit of my dancing experience and suggestions that others have given me over these years. I have taken many classes and workshops, have been to many of the milongas, danced with many men, and have had conversations with many lovely people. If you ask me a question, I will give you my opinion. Trust me, I have a lot of those, and they shouldn’t be taken as the Gospel, just food for thought.
Remember: If you don’t ask, you don’t get. Don’t be shy.
Previous Posts:
Ask Arlene… How good do I have to be for a good dancer to want to dance with me?
Ask Arlene…How Many Steps Does a Good Leader Need?
Ask Arlene…Fear of the Milongas
Ask Arlene…My friend wants to learn Tango
Ask Arlene…About why some teachers want to give a lesson on the dancefloor
Ask Arlene…About Being Attracted to Your Teacher
Ask Arlene…About Spontaneous Projections
Ask Arlene…About Concessions at the Milongas
Ask Arlene…About Large Bosoms and a Good Tango Connection
Ask Arlene…How do you know your level?
Ask Arlene…Competing for Dances
Ask Arlene…About Partners and Tango
Ask Arlene… Can Anybody Become a Good Tango Dancer?
Ask Arlene…About Tango Shoes for Men
Ask Arlene…About Food at The Milonga
Ask Arlene…About Tango Fashion
Ask Arlene…What makes a superlative teacher?
Ask Arlene…Why aren’t people dancing to a Milonga?
Ask Arlene….Sexual Frisson for a Tango Connection?
Ask Arlene…Can you get a true Tango Connection in an Open Embrace?
Ask Arlene…Are Tango Festivals Really Necessary?
Ask Arlene…Lectures on the Danceflor Part 2
Ask Arlene…Why do I say no to a dance?
Ask Arlene…Lectures on the Dancefloor?
Ask Arlene…About Private Lessons
Can you really blame the shoes?
34 responses so far ↓
Trinitario // December 7, 2008 at 5:44 pm
Hi Arlene,
There’s that Book I mentioned to you on Sat.
After reading the review it sounds impressive.
I may actually get round to reading the book itself.
X
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Tango-Barbara-Strozzi-Russell-Hoban/dp/0747592713/ref=sr_1_15?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1228671332&sr=1-15
Arlene // December 7, 2008 at 5:57 pm
Something for the Christmas stocking perhaps?
Charles // December 19, 2008 at 1:46 pm
Hi Arlene
Congratulations on a very good site!
Charles
ennyd // December 28, 2008 at 9:13 pm
you showed a short video of two women in 1920’s style clothes dancing a tango a few weeks ago. The music was very evocative. Where can I find it please,is it on you tube,I have looked but no success
Arlene // December 29, 2008 at 12:33 am
The film is Tango by Carlos Saura. Here is the link on youtube. It is called Tango lunaire. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O6GelmDWHD4
ennyd // December 29, 2008 at 9:48 am
Thank you so much Arlene,my mother was a tango teacher in the 1920’s/30’s,for me it is like stepping back in time.
I have a photo of her looking like the woman on the video.slim and beautiful
quite mystical really.
PLANEO // January 2, 2009 at 10:25 pm
Arlene
Whats a tango connection and how do I know if I’ve had one ?
Planeo
Arlene // January 3, 2009 at 9:54 am
Dear Planeo,
If you don’t know what a Tango connection is, then you probably haven’t had one yet. Read my post on That Tango Feeling to get an idea, that is the ulitmate. I have some very nice connections with a few dance partners where I feel we are comfortable with each other and the music. Some are more skilled than others, but the thing we have is that we are dancing with each other and not for the audience.
Don’t worry, you will find it one day.
A
Dip // January 4, 2009 at 6:59 pm
Arlene,
This is a bit off-topic–sorry. I also use WordPress and I have spent a good bit of time trying to figure out how you linked to your Google calendar at the top of your home page. Can you point me in the right direction?
Marc in Virginia
marc.wordpress(at)inspring.net
Mr Milonga // February 3, 2009 at 8:50 pm
Dear Arlene,
I’ve been a fan of this site for a long time, but I’ve resisted taking part in any discussions for a while, but as it’s a new year I thought why not?
One of the reasons why cliques are important to tango is because there are so many rotten dancers out there. I’ve danced with women who have been dancing for many years, who cannot execute a simple ocho or giro. Many don’t know how to keep their axis successfully and have very bad habits.
I dance very well but I am not a teacher. I work very hard to be good at the dance and I don’t see why I should expose myself to bad dancers and dances. That is why I dance with a small circle of women. You may call it a clique, I call it necessary as I’m not in the charity business.
The Very Good Dancers are very good dancers because they work at it. Most good dancers know who the other good dancers are, even if they’ve never danced with them. The moment I walk into a milonga I am scanning the room to see who’s who. Beginners, nuevo/contemporary tango dancers, ‘tango elite’ etc. I know who to dance with and who to stay away from.
One thing I never do is turn down a dance. I have been asked to dance by the whole range of dancers out there, from extremely good to extremely poor. I recognise how vulnerable someone must feel asking somebody else to dance, which is why I insist on never saying no.
If I do have a question it is this. Why do women turn down dances? I know there are a few dodgy men out there who probably have security tags around their ankles and have appeared more than once on Crimewatch, but I am not one of those guys. I’ve asked you to dance Arlene and you said ‘no’. When you do say no to a leader, what are your reasons for doing so?
I hate it when men give lessons to women on the dancefloor, but the sad truth is that if some of those women actually attended a few classes then the men wouldn’t have to tell them what to do. There are too many women out there blaming men for their own shortcomings and I can only guess that those women don’t have a mirror at home or else they would see the problem staring right back at them.
That said there are a hell of a lot of bad leaders out there. No musicality, no connection, no manners. Competent musical dancers who may not be 5′11″ plus, dark and fluent in Spanish are being overlooked by many women in the hope of dancing with a ropey South American with bad technique and the musicality of George W Bush.
Finally I was disappointed by your comments to Lesson Junkie. If you can’t successfully execute forward ochos after 4? years dancing you should be ashamed of yourself. It’s just like those women who refuse to dance milonga because they are too lazy to work out how to dance on the beat, choosing to only dance to arbitrary tangos which requires a much lower level of understanding of musicality.
The leader should not be expected to modify his dance because you’re too lazy to execute the simplest tango step of them all. Okay, if you and your regular dancer have an understanding it may not matter, but if you were going to dance with someone else and you couldn’t do this easy step then you really shouldn’t have come out in the first place, or is it that you have no respect whatsoever for the leaders in that milonga?
Regards,
Mr Milonga
Arlene // February 3, 2009 at 9:15 pm
Dear Mr Milonga,
If you want to know why I say ‘no’ to you, you should ask me next time at a milonga since I don’t know who you are, not on my blog. Besides, I either say ‘yes’ or ‘no, thank you’ to dances.
Secondly, I don’t have to answer to you. Maybe you should think about why I might say ‘no’ if you are this rude in a comment.
Mr Milonga // February 4, 2009 at 1:00 pm
Dear Arlene,
Thank you for your reply and your honesty which I appreciate greatly.
Surely if a woman decides not to dance with a man it would only compound the problem if the man demands a reason for her refusal? Surely you cannot be condoning what could turn out to be an uncomfortable confrontation?
As you have so kindly set up this forum which embraces honest exchanges of views, surely this blog is the perfect arena to discuss tango etiquette and issues?
As you so rightly point out you do not have to answer to me – or any other leaders out there. I can assure you when I asked you to dance I did so with politeness and sincerity. But I would respectfully like to ask what reasons you might have for saying ‘no’ to a dance, as I and I’m sure many of the other leaders who regularly read these pages could learn much from your comments.
Rightly or wrongly I believe that everyone who enters a milonga has made an unwritten agreement to dance as well as they can while they are there. Would you not agree with this? Or is it acceptable not to try?
Voice of Reason // February 4, 2009 at 6:48 pm
Dear Mr Milonga
I think I must have seen you around. Do you have a pony tail? I think not. I believe that you must be one of good dancers out there, like myself, perhaps even better. I found myself agreeing with many of your thoughts. I think you are right to criticise the way women put us down with insensitivity. I am a sensitive soul myself and have felt totally rejected by those who are so full of their own omportance that they fail to recognise that they are getting a good deal when they are offered a dance by me.
Although it has to be said I do feel Arlene doesn’t have to defend herself if she refuses someone politely. She has refused me before, but I am fairly sweaty. Are you effervescant yourself? Perhaps you need to accept that we are always going to be left hanging out while women have that power of choice. However, that said they whinge like hell if they are not asked.
I agree with you that if your not there to dance then what are you doing with those CiF shoes on?
Dangerous as they are.
I liked your post Mr Milonga it sparked debate and Arlene did put it up even though it was personally critical. I think we need more people to get off the fence.
VOR
wildcard // February 6, 2009 at 12:04 am
Dear Arlene
I say we get rid of these cliques and mix it all up in the London milongas. Lets drop the outdated 3 dance etiquette and have Speed Tango Nites where for each dance you just tap the shoulder of the person you want to dance with and they’ve got to accept whether they like it or not ! It would certainly break up the old cliquey couples and those Nuevo show-offs with their choreographed kicks who can only do it with each other! Its got the added bonus of character building cos you might be really pissed off that you have to dance with someone you really don’t want to ! Come on Lets get into the real spirit of social dancing!!!
tango totty // February 7, 2009 at 12:04 am
Dear Arlene
I have tried to categorise London dancers. Do you recognise anyone?
The Milonga King
OK I bow and scrape to you. You really are a great male tango dancer. Women swoon, their eyes mist over and say ‘Oh my God’ at the mere mention of your name. They flirt, beg and grovel while you’re at the bar, or offer to take as many private classes with you as possible just to get one dance. You just want to shag them. You truly are the King of the Milonga – You know it we know it – does your partner know it?
(100 points – Your worth it)
Tango Schmooz
Well youre not in the league of the Milonga King. You really only know the basics, but you’ve got good musicality and youre a smooth mover with an extra smooth personality to match. Unfortunately however you really are a bit of a tango fake. Instead of continuing to improve your dance technique, your main purpose is now to catch as many women as possible in your tango net. It works particularly well with unsuspecting beginners. Your good and you like to spread the love but is there enough to give them all a small portion. (30 points )
Tango Kool
You think you’re a supercool dancer cos you dress in jeans and trainers and your part of that ever increasing pesky Nuevo crowd. Sometimes you wear combat trousers or sometimes even harem pants. You’ve been to lots of Nuevo lessons and practicas and you’ve learnt lots of tricky kicks and flicks, which you spend hours practising every day and always insist on showing off on the dancefloor. (get a real job). You have also learnt that really annoying Nuevo shuffle where you both shrug your shoulders up around your ears and do that One pause, two pause, one two, one two Charlie Chaplin walk quick time thing. It looks crap ok. Don’t bother! Give up and make sure you’ve perfected your traditional tango basics first!
(10 points – Well you try don’t you luv – I’ve seen you at the practicas!)
Tango shopping trolley
Bring the first aid kit! You think you’re a great dancer cos you’ve gone to loads and loads of lessons and learnt loads of routines. But you are seriously DELUDED. You have not understood the tango fundamentals. In your efforts to get in your latest ganchos, you ignore the music and push the women round the floor like youre doing your weekly shop at Tescos. A dance with you requires a lot of basic training – mainly in kick boxing and wrestling. You aren’t looking for a dance, you are looking for two falls, a submission or a knock out. Keep away or I will unleash the force.
(-10 points – You’re a crap dancer and No we don’t want to dance with you!!! Go back to collecting trolleys at Tesco where you belong!)
Tango Sleaze
Well its quite obvious you don’t know any tango and your main purpose for being at the milonga is to get hold of a women of any shape or form. Get off the dance floor and treat yourself to some porn instead! At least you won’t abuse anyone but yourself. If you really want a woman that badly there are services available in many of the London phone boxes which you could acquire for what you spend on milongas. Lets face it you can’t miss out in the phone box milonga.
(-50 Points – Giggety Giggety- is your name quagmire)
Women: Tango Sauce
Well you know youre not the best dancer in town, but you don’t really care. You want to get loads of dances and you’ll use all your womanly charms to get there. Always dressed to kill and armed with your 9cm Commies, men literally drool and dribble over you. If anyone was to catch a clip of your conversation between dances, it would be make you vomit ‘Ooh youre such a fantastic dancer’ you coo when blatantly they are so NOT. Men of all levels will dance with you cos they think you’re up for it! You probably are!
(100 points – Men will shag mud)
Tango Ambitious
You are already quite a good dancer, but your really desparate to become the best and will go to any lengths to get there. This includes:
• Many hours spent at tango classes perfecting your tango technique.
• Like tango sauce you are normally dressed to kill in all the milongas and can be found at the teachers table fawning round the best dancers.
• You’ve may have trained in Buenos Aires for a year (optional) but you’ve managed to ensnare an Argentine instructor.
• You’ve probably set up your own tango classes with a fake website to give you that extra tango cred.
• You’ve remodelled your appearance to either become more fanciable or look more like a tango dancer . This may include getting false boobs.
(50 points – Men will shag mud)
Belle of the Ball
You are young and beautiful and you can dance really well(bitch). You breeze into the milongas and all the men make a beeline for you. BITCH – What more can I say.
(0 points – If men will shag Mud, you’re all set. Beware the tango men, you don’t need the points). See how it is when your tits droop and your ass spreads.
Tango Bitch
Well its taken the tango to realise you are not a fresh faced young thing anymore. More like a pitbull with lipstick. Not often seen dancing but found sitting for many long hours at the edge of the dance floor yickety yack yickety yack …
‘So anyway, I asked him to dance and he turns round, bold as brass, and says no thanks I’m resting. Next minute he’s up with that skinny young thing with the great big fake tits. Just like that…..’
Get wiv it luv! Change your hobby and take up karate instead… Sorry you already taught Karate…Kick his arse now.
(1000 Points – You make tango worthwhile) – Don’t kick my arse.
Tango Totty
Pat McDoanld // February 9, 2009 at 4:59 pm
Arlene,
You get asked a lot of interesting questions. I’ve just looked down the list.
Can I ask anything?
Arlene // February 9, 2009 at 5:05 pm
Hi Pat,
You can ask anything. You may not get the answer you were hoping for!
Fatty Arbuckle // February 26, 2009 at 12:31 pm
Are tango festivals a learning experience or just a prostitution of the dance?
In my experience it’s just a commercial feeding frenzy which lovers of the dance have to endure!!
It includes:
1. Shipped in professionals charging exorbitant prices for their so called ‘master classes’. (Get real – seriously who can ever do these moves anyway without looking like Laurel & Hardy ?)
2. Showoff and over choreographed Performances which only interrupt the social dancing. (Come on……Its sooooo boring – we’ve seen it a million times before!)
3. Excessively overcrowded floors caused by the bussing in of tango fanz from the 4 corners of the UK and beyond…… – now no one can move and you are in serious danger of being impaled by a Commie heel.
4. Hello mag style of photo shoots for posing tango stars (and starlets)
Are all these encrustations just an asset or a distraction from the purity of the dance ?
Tango Totty // March 2, 2009 at 3:47 pm
Can you achieve a true tango connection when you are dancing tango Nuevo style – ie in an open embrace? – Surely the emotional feeling of the ‘tango trance’ is generated by the combination of the close embrace and the music. How on earth do the Tango Nuevo dancers feel this when they dance only in open embrace and often not to the music? I just don’t believe it !
wildcard // March 2, 2009 at 6:27 pm
Arlene I am wondering
For the best tango connection does it have to induce an element of sexual frisson?
Wildcard // March 14, 2009 at 8:12 pm
Hmmmm I am pondering……………..R some people just faking it?????
Why is it that so many dancers in London find the tango milonga so difficult to dance ? Often perfectly competent tango dancers sit down immediately a milonga track comes on protesting ‘Ooh No….I don’t dance milonga’. Alternatively you get those Roadrunner dancers who think milonga is just speeded up tango and whiz your round the floor dancing tango steps at break neck speed – UGGGH.
Is it because the tango milonga is so poorly taught and led in London, is it just very difficult or alternatively is it because theres a lot of people out there with poor musicality who just cant follow the milonga beat – poor musicality can to some extent be covered up in traditional tango, but if you cant dance to a milonga beat its very obvious – R u just faking it ?
wild card // March 23, 2009 at 4:14 pm
There are seemingly many good tango teachers in London (and perhaps some not so good). But what makes a superlative tango teacher as opposed to just a good teacher. What qualities are needed and who in your view would fit this bill?
Wildcard
wildcard // March 25, 2009 at 12:51 pm
Arlene
Can anybody become a good tango dancer ?
Littleun // March 25, 2009 at 10:28 pm
Hi Arlene
I have only recently started dancing tango and have noticed how elegantly many of the women dress. I would really like some tango fashion advice from you. I am female 5 “ 2, and a pear shaped size 12 and no matter what I wear I look a bit dumpy. In a class a couple of weeks ago someone mentioned that you always look really elegant AND you have an advice page for tango where we can ask about anything. What tango fashion tricks should I try ?
Littleun
Todo Bien // March 25, 2009 at 11:02 pm
Dear Arlene
I often get a bit peckish during the milongas and I really wish that someone could come round selling those delicious Argentinian pasties known as Empanadas. I have tried the tea and cakes at the crypt and I find it’s all a bit WI – a bit at odds with the exociticsm of the dance and more in tune with pensioners Old Time dancing on a Thursday afternoon. I have looked up the recipe for beef empanadas on the internet and theres a great one on the bbc website. Could you organise this Arlene ? (sssh! A woman called Tina who helps out at the Crypt knows how to make them)
Todo Bien
Voice of Reason // March 27, 2009 at 10:40 pm
Hi littleun
I would just like to say that 5foot 2 size 12 sounds fine to me. Arlene does always look good but I would imagine that it takes time and work to look that good (mmm,,,). She is a little taller than you and I would not like to guess her dress size. I am sure she will tell you if you ask. However, I would agree that she does dress well. I hope that she will not mind me saying she never looks dumpy. So if you follow her advice you can’t go wrong. Only one thing wear practice shoes for a little while until you are dancing well.
Peace Out littleun
VOR XX
Arlene // March 27, 2009 at 11:22 pm
VOR,
I may be a lady of a certain age, but I can look good in 5 minutes if necessary!
Screw the practice shoes and save them for a Practica!
Laura // June 22, 2009 at 4:50 pm
Hi Arlene
I read your really preview of our upcoming event at the Barbican – Café de los maestros – on Fri 26th June (many thanks, it’s great!), which is part of The Barbican summer festival Blaze 09 ( http://www.barbican.org.uk/blaze ) and I’d like to ask your permission to post some extracts of it to our Barbican Blaze blog (http://barbicanblaze.blogspot.com/ ) and link them back to your blog, of course.
At this regard would be awesome if any time you happen to preview/review some of our events, you could drop me an email, so that your post will be featured on our blog too and we could mutually increase our visits.
Hope you like the idea!
Also, I take occasion also to invite all your readers to have a look at our blog and take pictures at our events, upload them on Flickr and join Blaze 09 group!
Look forward to hearing from you
Laura
Keno // July 4, 2009 at 4:19 pm
Dear Arlene,
Here is the question I have been pondering for quite some time. Why do so many instructors try to teach at a milonga. When I go to a Milonga I always seem to come in contact with instructors who want to teach at dances. I have had them come up to me and say you need to fix this or that, and I think the best one was one who came up to me and asked me to dance. I said yes and as I was dancing I noticed she was trying to back lead. Then she said that all men should come to her for musically lessons. After the first tango and while waiting for the next song in the tanda I said the following, “I come to Milonga’s to dance, visit with friends, and have a good time. If I wanted a lesson I would go to a studio and take one. Now you can either let me lead and enjoy the rest of the tanda or I will say thank you and go sit down.” She was so shocked she left the floor. I rarely dance with instructors, I have some great friends that are instructors, and have asked this same questions to them. The only thing they told me was they believe the instructors are using the milonga’s for new students. Please let me know how people in the UK feel about this. Best Keno
Geraldine // July 22, 2009 at 11:04 am
Dear Arlene,
I am a CiF addict and I have the following problem: I have a pair of shoes in BsAs which are already paid and waiting to be brought to London. Now, I have a friend who is going soon to BsAs but will not come back until September; which is quite long as you can imagine…so if you happen to know about someone trustworthy coming back to London a bit sooner, my Argentine friend would kindly deliver shoes to their hotel/apartment/etc. Can you help??
Thanks!
G
Tango neophyte // July 25, 2009 at 10:57 am
Dear Arlene,
I’ve been learning Tango for about a year now, but have not been brave enough to attend any Milongas until recently when I attended Tango Al Fresco in Regent’s park, unfortunately I was never asked to dance! Whereas it was lovely to watch people dance it would have been nice if I’d had one dance.
Can you offer any advice as to how to get over my fear of attending Milonga on my own and not been asked to dance?
TN
Claus // July 28, 2009 at 2:07 pm
Dear Arlene,
Have read your Ask Arlene with great interest, but did not come across this one. Thanks in advance!
Leader-learner-dilemma.
Having taken classes for almost a year and attended practicas for 6 months, I am at a quandry: all the advice is to dance away at the practica as this is the best way to learn, but my step/movement repertoire is small. So I need to learn (to lead), yet there are expectations for me to lead with something interesting. Come the practica and I am at my usual catch-22. What is your advice?
Natalya // September 30, 2009 at 4:37 pm
Hi!!!
I wil be in London Wednesday-Saturday next week. Will U please advise me the best places to attend, and may be you could introduce me to the club.
Arlene // September 30, 2009 at 5:34 pm
Hi Natalya,
I really don’t give recommendations as I have my own personal reasons for attending certain venues at certain times.
I suggest that you look at the Calendar and Special Events page to see what is on, and to look at the description of the Venues.
And last of all, check out the websites to see if there are any teachers that you might like to have a class with.
I am sure that wherever you go, you will have a good time.
All the best.