Arlene's London Tango Pages

Ask Arlene…Competing for Dances


From Planeo

Me and my best friend always go to the milongas together. My best friend always has the men falling all over her asking for a dance while I often sit out on the side for much of the evening. She is very flirtatious and her clothes are very revealing. I have talked to different people about it and says that shes not that attractive and that I am much better looking. We are both in our thirties. How do I get whats shes got and get all the dances?

Dear Planeo,

There is no reason to be sitting out dances unless you choose to.

There are a number of reasons why you may not be getting the dances in, and the first question that comes to mind is how good a dancer are you?  Granted, being good looking might get the men over to you to start with, but may not be enough in the long run if your dancing skills are not up to scratch.

Now let’s say you are a competent dancer and an attractive lady but you are still not getting the dancing in.  Did you ever think that your friend might be onto something here?  If she is not that good looking and maybe relying on revealing a bit more flesh to get the dances in, perhaps you might want to take a leaf out of her book and do the same.  If you have issues about what to wear, please have a look at my post on Tango Fashion.  Just remember to leave a little bit to the imagination.  There is nothing wrong with highlighting your assets.

You also mention that your friend is very flirtatious.  Have you ever thought about putting on a smile or happy face while waiting for a dance?  How about moving about the room and being sociable?  Make friends with other women instead of seeing them as competition.  Go to classes before the Milonga and get to know some of the men.  Network like hell at the Milongas.

How do you think I’ve managed all these years?  I’ve worked hard to get to know people and develop my dancing skills.  I make an effort with my appearance.  I am pleasant to people.  I am always smiling.  There is a phrase about being the flower to the bee.  If you want to attract people to you, you need to make it worth their while.

Did you ever think that the reason your friend is getting all the dances is because she might be actually be a better dancer than you?

Maybe you should sit somewhere else.