Ask Arlene…About Spontaneous Projections

From: Voice of Reason

Submitted on 2009/04/17 at 10:44pm (to show I don’t make these up!)

Dear Arlene

A friend of mine confided that she had an embarrassing situation when dancing with a partner – he got a spontaneous erection. She didn’t quite know how to ride this one out. Any advice?


Dear Voice,

How did she ride it out?

This has happened to me at least once that I know of.  A friend and I hadn’t danced with each other for about eight months and since that time we had both improved our dancing skills and ended up having a wonderful and amazing dance moment.  I was enjoying That Tango Feeling and at the end of the song, I noticed that my dance partner had enjoyed it as well, but in a more obvious way.  Sometimes these things happen.  I could tell he was a little embarrassed about it, so I just ignored it.  This person was a friend and I wasn’t about to embarrass him anymore than necessary and so we continued dancing as normal.  It was just one of those things and I felt that this was the most adult way to deal with it.

I don’t know what I would have done if he wasn’t a friend or if he was a complete stranger!  I think I would have been horrified and I am sure many men would also have been mortified if this had happened to them and would hopefully have excused themselves immediately.

Just because these things might happen occasionally doesn’t mean that the man has a personal interest in his dance partner.  We have already talked about the feelings that dancing to Tango music can bring to the surface.

I would like to hear from the men on this subject.  I couldn’t possibly know what it would be like to experience spontaneous projections in a social environment.

I am soooo glad that I am a woman.


20 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Tango totty
    May 12, 2009 @ 20:23:10

    I think she just has to grin and bear it and ride it out to the sticky end!

  2. Voice of Reason
    May 12, 2009 @ 21:00:57


    Strangely enough that is just what I told her. She did also say it was the best dance connection she had ever had.


  3. Virgin at the Milonga
    May 12, 2009 @ 21:25:29

    Dear Arlene
    If it were me dancing with you…………………………………………………………………………………..
    then I imagine that it would be more than a sticky end xxxxx

  4. El Chupacabra
    May 13, 2009 @ 00:36:16

    I’m a bloke. This hasn’t affected me but I do speak to men who have been affected.

    The key to remember is that this is often a purely physical response, and rarely an emotional response. Most women will recognise this assessment of the male!!

    Having said that there are few exceptions who go to milongas for entirely the wrong reasons but what can you do heh?

    Ps Women have physical responses too … men have told me how they’ve danced with women who become rather “alert” up front. One bloke even told me how he had his lady in tears … though that might be wishful thinking … 🙂

  5. El Chupacabra
    May 13, 2009 @ 00:38:29

    When I started tango, a friend of mine couldn’t understand how I could concentrate and not be in a state of “readiness” all the time. At that time, there were too many things to think about to worry about a female in close proximity … music, steps, navigation, crashing, slipping, balance, making a fool of yourself, sweat, grip, posture … more than enough to distract you!

  6. Game Cat
    May 13, 2009 @ 10:56:46

    Never happened to me before and, urm, I don’t know whether I should think that’s good or bad news. Never heard any man or woman talk about it either, regardless of whether they fancied their dance partners or not.

    When I’m dancing with someone, my conscious concentration is split on 4 things:
    – Listening/ Responding to the music: 40%
    – Listening/ Responding to the lady: 30%
    – Floor craft: 20%
    – My own technique: 10%

    A year ago, it was more like 20/20/30/30. My long term goal is more like 50/40/10/0…. as I continue to build good floor craft and technique into subconscious habits, so I can focus more on the things I really enjoy. Of course, this is mho. Others will have equally valid views of how much they want to focus on what.

    So El Chupacabra’s second post applies to me…there’s too much to be worrying about!

  7. David Bailey
    May 13, 2009 @ 14:45:54

    There’s a big discussion about this on dance-forums:

    My personal comment is, how? I mean, how did you notice? After all, in AT hold, your lower bodies don’t really come into contact much…

  8. Mr Milonga
    May 13, 2009 @ 14:51:14

    Erections and sticky ends? What next, can you get a better connection with a brazilian?

    Is there nothing left to talk about?

  9. Luke
    May 13, 2009 @ 16:44:45

    Gross! Surely we’ve grown up out of these issues. I’d say these persons need to see a therapist. I

  10. Arlene
    May 13, 2009 @ 18:21:53

    @ David Bailey
    I said I noticed AFTER the dance.

  11. David Bailey
    May 13, 2009 @ 18:45:03

    Blimey, must have been a serious disturbance then. I’d advise your friend to rethink his wardrobe… 🙂

  12. Mr. Milonga
    May 14, 2009 @ 18:28:08

    I know the bloke in question. He has a potassium deficiency. It was a banana.

  13. Nick
    May 14, 2009 @ 18:42:06

    It is a tricky subject as anything you say might be interpreted in the wrong way. The only thing that I can say is that if a man gets sexually excited you can see it, while if a woman gets sexually excited you cannot see it. The mindset is the same though.

  14. Tango totty
    May 14, 2009 @ 22:03:55

    This happened to me and my friend in Buenos Aires. We were at Confiterie Ideal when we got chatting to a really attractive young argentinian who spoke English really well. He was really charming and asked us to dance. My friend danced with him first. After she ran off the dance floor and said “OMG that bloke had a hard on and he was thrusting himself into me during the dance. You dance with him and see what you think.” Out of curiosity I danced with him but didnt notice anything in particular until a Pugliese track came on. All of a sudden he grabbed me in a very close embrace, closed his eyes, and began licking my face. It was very embarassing because he just kept walking around and round the same spot and everyone could see what was happening. But as soon as the music stopped he just went back to being a completely normal charming and very sweet bloke. It was completely bizarre like Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde. Now thats the power of the tango!!!!! This really did happen. What should we have done ?


  15. Voice of reason
    May 14, 2009 @ 22:20:43


    You appear a little bit precious about these things! Why?


  16. Tango Totty
    May 14, 2009 @ 22:25:04

    @ Luke and Mr Milonga

    Go0000000000000d God! You two would be no fun in a close hold would you? No sex please we’re British



  17. Tit & Tackle
    May 14, 2009 @ 22:39:24


    Now this is what we call a post! What we really want to know is Did you take it further than the dance floor he he he he he he he? Honest we can keep a secret? Shhh everyone. Maybe he hadnt been getting any for a long time and was easily aroused. snigger snigger fnaar fnaar phwort

  18. El Chupacabra
    May 15, 2009 @ 01:24:48

    Nick – you’ve obviously not seen an excited woman then ….

  19. Mr Milonga
    May 15, 2009 @ 10:39:14

    Tango Totty,

    If you want be to rub my groin on you and the to lick your face then you’re going to have a long wait.

    If I get to dance you in close embrace by the end of it your cheeks will be flush, your knees weak and you’ll be panting like a puppy x

  20. Captain Jep
    May 16, 2009 @ 12:49:47

    This is what cups of tea and thoughts of the Virgin Mary are for …

    @Mr Milonga Possibly in your case, buckets of cold water 🙂

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