How did Tango Bring out the Bitch in Me?

I am normally a very nice person.  I am usually really positive and upbeat.  I try to leave people feeling better for having been in my company.  When I first started dancing Tango, I was very encouraging and maybe a bit naive.  So when did I become a Tango Bitch, and so critical?  And why?  Sometimes I notice when I am not my normal self and I want to know how I got that way.

When I first started dancing regularly (Salsa), it was all so new to me.  There was so much to learn and think about, new people to meet, and new music to listen to.  I was dancing with a small, regular crowd, similar to the one here in Eastbourne, and most of the people were friendly with each other.  Not once did I worry about if I was dancing enough or who with.  I usually had a good time and partners were changed after every song.  Some men danced with me and some didn’t.  It wasn’t a big deal.  Eventually, my mind was free and I was able to dance and just enjoy the music.  I wasn’t great, but I was competent and happy with my dancing.  I wasn’t bitchy.  I was really nice and encouraging to new people.  I never said anything negative about anyone and I never encountered any negativity in my direction or about anyone else.  Granted, my Salsa dancing experience was limited to a certain crowd and would probably have been different if I danced in Central London, where I hear it is more of a meat market and people may be more critical.

Then along came Tango.  Initially, my experience with Tango was similar to Salsa.  I started with a small group which was friendly and social.  Things changed when I expanded my learning and venues.  Learning a new dance form is challenging enough in itself without having to worry about personalities.  I was going to bigger venues than what I had been used to – so many people and so many dance possibilities, or so I thought.

When I went to my first London Milonga, I barely danced, but I did talk to a lot of very nice people.  I was given a lot of advice.  I had to learn the Tango rules. There were many. Eventually I was out 4-5 nights a week.  I got to know who most everyone was even if I didn’t dance with them.  I danced with anyone who asked me and in so doing I encountered rudeness from some leaders that you wouldn’t believe.  After about a year of this I was advised to be more selective and to choose my dance partners carefully.  Surprisingly, I still danced a lot, but with better leaders.

In my third year of dancing in this way, I noticed something about myself.  Firstly, I felt confident with my dancing, which is a good thing.  I may not be the greatest dancer, but I am competent and have musicality.  I am happy with my Tango.  Secondly, I started dancing less.  I became more choosy and maybe others became more choosy about dancing with me.  I started to complain more about the lack of good leaders.  I wasn’t the only one complaining.   There were others.  We would complain about everything – leadership, the venues, teachers, music, etc.  I cut back on going out.  Nothing really changed.  In fact, for me things got worse.  Since I wasn’t going out much, I expected more. I became really intolerant.  It spilled over into my other dancing, Salsa and Ceroc.  I was finding myself being critical in situations that never warranted it before.  How did this happen?  Is there some correlation about dancing Argentine Tango that causes a person to become arrogant, critical, and intolerant?  In every blog I read about Tango, there is always something written about the negative aspects of going to a Milonga.  People are so surprised and shocked that they need to write about it.  There are even rules about how to behave at a Milonga!  Eventually, one gets used to it and just accepts it.  I suppose if one is exposed to something long enough, one becomes immune to it or becomes a part of it.  I suppose I got sucked into that critical aspect of being in a Milonga.  Not content with observing, many of us had to voice our opinions and it wasn’t all good.  Misery loves company as they say.

I have known women that stopped coming to the Milongas only to return a few months later.  Why did they leave?  They got bored with the attitude and seeing the same people all of the time.  Nothing changed.  They needed to do something else.  They weren’t bored with the music or with the dancing – they were bored with the situation.  They didn’t like how they were reacting to their environment, so they took themselves away from it for a while.  ‘Tango will always be there,’ they said.

About a year ago I changed my attitude.  Something had to shift.  I had been listening to a woman complaining and I realised that I have been that woman.  I was out to have a good time, not to listen to someone moaning about the lack of good leadership or how crap the music was.  Sometimes the only way to change a situation is to change your behaviour and see what happens.  I decided there and then to stop complaining.  I was going out less, but I started to enjoy myself more.  I looked forward to going out with the same passion as when I first started.   I may not have been dancing any more as a result, as I was still being selective, but I enjoyed my dances and evenings out more.  If I wasn’t dancing I was meeting new people, having lovely conversations with my friends, or listening to the music.  Going to a Milonga became more of a social event for me rather than just focusing on getting dances in.  The bitchyness left me.  I was less irritated.  I was back to my normal self. 🙂

I still have strong opinions about dancing Argentine Tango.  I know what I like and how I want my Tango to be.  I still think people should be able to make choices about who they dance with without being attacked for it – something I didn’t understand when I first started but appreciate now.  People need to be polite and respect each other’s decisions.  We all have our own journey to make.  We will make mistakes along the way.  We will be overloaded with advice and information.  Some of us will  become experts and even teachers in a very short time.

I am not dancing Tango so much these days since I moved.  There isn’t any here.  There are times that I really miss dancing Argentine Tango. I still have my music, which is what I fell in love with first.  If I want to dance, I go to Salsa or Ceroc, but it doesn’t move me the way dancing Argentine Tango does.  As I haven’t been going to the Milongas like I used to, I have had a lot of time to reflect on how my life has changed and been enriched since I started dancing.  I have also taken stock on some of my behaviour and attitudes and have been surprised at how negative I had become, which is not me at all.  This negativity has been mainly contained to Tango fortunately, and as it was isolated, it was easy for me to look at and rectify. I may miss dancing in a close embrace, but I don’t miss the negative attitude that can pervade the milongas sometimes.

If at some point you feel you are getting a bit jaded and wonder if you should still be going to the Milongas.  Take a break and see what happens, Tango will always be there.  When you return, you may see and feel things differently.

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41 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Deby Novitz
    Mar 14, 2010 @ 15:34:50

    The attitude you describe is what drives me away from the foreigners who come to dance tango. When they sit at my table all they do is complain..about everything. No good dancers, no leaders, no wood floor…I want to strangle them.

    I don’t experience this with my Argentine friends. If there is no one to dance with, there is no one to dance with. We drink more champagne and talk, listen to the music.

    When I listen to people talk about their tango communities, I am glad that I live here. That isn’t to say we don’t have our problems here in BA, it just is not the same.

    I think in many ways foreigners use tango as a means to have closeness. Here in Argentina people kiss, hug, and touch on a daily basis. In the US, England, this doesn’t happen. I believe many foreigners are drawn to tango as a means to have an intimate experience without really having one.

    Just like in a real relationship, when things do not go as you want, you complain. In the US and Europe, women lead. Women dance with each other. It is almost in some ways a way to get back at men for not being good leaders. (In their opinion.) I hear them say “I learned to lead because I got sick of men who could not.” I learned to lead because I wanted to dance.”
    Here in BA I could never imagine women getting all dressed up to dance with another woman.

    In any event, I think the tango, because it is an intimate dance reflects the feelings of intimacy one has for themselves.

  2. Arlene
    Mar 14, 2010 @ 15:42:05

    @Deby,
    It is so easy to get sucked into a cycle of negativity. By being in the moment, one can accept things as they are more easily.
    Nice to hear from you. x

  3. Johanna
    Mar 14, 2010 @ 20:40:07

    You are right on track with the tango schedule:
    Discovery
    Enchanted
    Obsessed
    Selective
    Critical
    Disenchanted
    Tango break

    And eventually, back to Tango

  4. tangobob
    Mar 15, 2010 @ 09:00:23

    It does not seem to happen to men, I don’t know why the difference. My wife is on about her third tango break. Me? you still can’t drag me away. Maybe it’s because we do the asking, maybe because we do not sit down so much, I don’t know.
    It bothers me that I have to go alone and leave my wife, if you know the answer, I would be glad of the help.
    Why do I still go when my wife is at home? Simple, I am totally addicted.

  5. soulsnacker
    Mar 15, 2010 @ 12:10:44

    Great article, Arlene, and soooo true! I became a tango bitch, and then I stopped going for a while. I think tango can become some an all-consuming passion for people that bitchiness is just built into the experience. Sorta like when you’re with someone you love 24/7. That person is bound to get on your last nerve at some point.

    Leaving the scene for a little bit, not taking it too seriously, and having a life outside of tango is so very important. When I come back from a break, I return to the dance floor with joy and enthusiasm, even if I don’t dance a lot. It’s just not worth getting bent outta shape. My life is already full without that extra 1 or 2 tandas, so I can just sit back and enjoy watching the drama unfold on the dance floor.

  6. Kirra
    Mar 15, 2010 @ 16:54:40

    I definitely have a love/hate relationship with tango. I too can’t sit and listen to the complaints or the excuses.
    But you hit the nail on the head by saying that each person has their own journey. There are walls that you hit that are as real as a brick wall, sometimes you move through them quickly and sometimes it takes years.
    Thanks for sharing your journey with us.

  7. Tiana Laurence
    Mar 15, 2010 @ 18:43:12

    “Sometimes the only way to change a situation is to change your behaviour and see what happens.”

    This is so true, It has changed my life too.
    🙂

  8. sallycat
    Mar 18, 2010 @ 12:03:55

    Hi A.
    Ya know, the longer I dance tango (and indeed, live on the earth), the more certain I am that my Happy Tango (and indeed, my joyful life) comes from within. An attitude to enjoy, combined with an acceptance of what is… (rather than trying to force it and control it and criticise it into what I want it to be).
    Of course, I have been known to have a little moan now and again; I’m human. But I do believe, there’s always joy to be had in a milonga scenario, if I’m willing to look for it: a favourite piece of music, a conversation with a friend, just one lovely tanda, a smile from the host, watching others enjoy themselves… especially that last one – and Argentina has really taught me how joyful it can be to see people of all ages and types out there having fun!
    I like what you say, and I’m with you.
    Here’s to up energy, and more joy!
    SC

  9. Saeed
    Mar 19, 2010 @ 12:48:56

    This was a wonderfully honest and true posting that shared many common experiences.

    Keep up the good work, Cheers!

  10. Mr Tango Walker
    Mar 22, 2010 @ 21:19:16

    Lovely topic Arlene..
    I have also found myself ready to complain about milonga’s and the lack of good music,good dancers,and anything else you can throw into the mix. The hard thing is to just enjoy the simple things..Like sitting and people watching, making new friends, and just soaking up the atmosphere. Sometimes the floorcraft is just so bad that even if it’s a great song there is no point trying to find a partner because i’m going to end up spending my time dancing in defense and not connecting with the music and my partner. In these situations it’s just best to sit songs out. Also by sitting and watching you are bound to see new people who you may wish to dance with in future and people you may wish to avoid. Being selective about these things means you are changing the kind of tango and milonga experience for the better not only for yourself but all the people in the milonga.

  11. ChrisJJ
    Mar 23, 2010 @ 11:22:24

    > In the US and Europe, women lead …
    > Here in BA I could never imagine women
    > getting all dressed up to dance with another

    I don’t recall here in Europe ever seeing a woman all dressed up to dance with another.

  12. Xiomara
    Mar 26, 2010 @ 00:40:22

    First of all, THANK YOU ARLENE for your wonderful website & fun articles. This is immensely helpful :)))

    Secondly, I just can’t believe how the same cycle applies to whatever you choose… I am a part-time Salsa teacher (based in London), have been in Salsa for about 4-5 years now and this is EXACTLY how I’ve been feeling about Salsa for quite a while now… 😉 Thank God, my first encounter with the Tango happened in BsAs (many different milonga spots, as well as street dancing, etc…) and of course, I fell in love with it immediately not only due to its obvious beauty & class but most of all, because it seemed pure & unpolluted to me in the commercial sense (not like Salsa these days…)

    Therefore, I am absolutely desperate to find a good Tango class (beginners level) in London (preferably central part) and I will appreciate any suggestions/sincere opinions.

    So far, my friends have recommended a place in Dulwich but this is definitely too far for me to travel each week :(((

    Once again – A MILLION THANK YOUS TO ARLENE & ALL OF YOU SHARING YOUR THOUGHTS HERE :***

  13. ChrisJJ
    Mar 31, 2010 @ 11:36:45

    > it seemed pure & unpolluted to me in the
    > commercial sense (not like Salsa these days…)

    Sadly in the UK, tango more polluted by commercialisation than just about anywhere outside the USA and Orient.

    > Therefore, I am absolutely desperate to find a
    > good Tango class (beginners level) in London
    > (preferably central part) and I will appreciate
    > any suggestions/sincere opinions.

    1) Beware of the commercials (flyers and shows) – the best teachers are the least self-promotional.

    2) Dance with people in the milongas and ask where/how they learned – this will tell you what to seek and and most importantly what to avoid.

  14. Tango Totty
    Apr 22, 2010 @ 16:41:34

    The bitchiness is caused by the nature of the environment. The women are judged mainly not for who they are or even in many cases how good a dancer they are, but for how they look.

    The men are judged by how good a dancer they are and obviously many of the better ones use this as an opportunity to try and get hold of a woman. As there are a lot less good leaders than good women dancers this means theres a lot of middle aged competent female dancers sat around the side of the room feeling pissed off!!!

    Totty

  15. ChrisJJ
    Apr 22, 2010 @ 17:33:22

    > The men are judged by how good a dancer they
    > are and obviously many of the better ones use
    > this as an opportunity to try and get hold of a
    > woman.

    What’s with “try”, I wonder. A good partner is precisely what most women want.

  16. Tango Totty
    Apr 23, 2010 @ 15:28:49

    It may be a good dance partner that the women want, but from what I’ve seen, its not just a good dancer that many of the men want!!!! Otherwise why are there so many good or competent middle aged women sitting on the side while the ‘good’ male dancers are dancing with the younger but often less competent dancers ???? And that leads me on to another question – Why do some of the good leaders spend a long time dancing with the Beginner women in favour of the more able ?

    Totty

  17. Tango Totty
    Apr 23, 2010 @ 16:25:45

    A question for all you male leaders – Do you select a dance partner by tottyscope or by quality of technique?

    Ladies – Who’s your best ever tango tingle ? Where did it happen ? – I mean which milonga

    Totty

    Totty

  18. tangobob
    Apr 25, 2010 @ 10:56:19

    I am definitely not driven by my genetalia in Tango. I choose women who I enjoy dancing with, not on how they look. In saying that if you have a face on you I probably would not choose to dance with you.
    If a woman cannot dance, it dosn’t matter if she is a world class model, she can stay stting, but if a woman is such a “great dancer ” that she thinks she can direct my dancing, similarly, she will just have to wait.
    I would not want to be unkind about how any lady looks, but suffice it to say, many of the ladies with whom I dance are many years older than myself, not the dolly girls who sit on the sidelines preening.

  19. tangobob
    Apr 25, 2010 @ 14:13:52

    Sorry I have just read Tango tottys comment, Why do some of the good leaders spend a long time dancing with the Beginner women in favour of the more able ?
    As someone who has danced tango for more than a decade, I plead guilty.
    Could it be that the beginners have yet to develop the self importance to try to tell us how to dance (It happens believe me) or that they just show a joy at actually being asked to dance.

  20. yabotil
    Apr 25, 2010 @ 17:43:50

    Totty, I certainly look at quality of technique. But if I haven’t seen them dancing yet, then it depends on a number of factors for me to approach a stranger (an incomplete list and not in any particular order)

    1 – the music – if I dance with a stranger I won’t choose a milonga or a piece I’m unfamiliar with
    2 – is the woman chatting to someone? I won’t interrupt a conversion by walking up to them and asking for a dance
    3 – their location – are they sitting somewhere I can get eye contact with them or in some dark corner hidden away?
    4 – their facial expression/body language – do they look like they want to dance and look like a friendly person or have they got a massive frown that says do-not-approach?
    5 – clothing/shoes – are they in jeans or wearing boots or in CiFs etc

    And if I’m observing someone, then things I might look for (once again, an incomplete list not in any particular order)
    6 – who were they dancing with? Are they only ever dancing with the tango-gods?
    7 – the type of men she rejects – if I see her rejecting someone was it because he was a bad dancer or she just doesn’t dance with strangers?
    8 – their dancing style – is the women doing her own things or kicking other people (whether lead or not – women have a choice not to lift their feet off the ground when doing boleos)
    9 – quality if technique – straight legs with correct looking embrace? Or head leaning in or tiny steps on bend legs?

    And so on … I suspect you searched this blog you’ll come across with a much more comprehensive list

  21. Mr Tango Walker
    Apr 25, 2010 @ 22:28:27

    @Tango Totty – A question for all you male leaders – Do you select a dance partner by tottyscope or by quality of technique?

    I dance with followers who i know love the music and like dancing with me..So how do i invite someone i don’t know? I watch the floor and if you are ignoring the music chances are you will also be ignoring me…..

  22. Tango Totty
    Apr 26, 2010 @ 12:44:40

    tangobob

    Are you saying that some men dance with beginner women because they are more grateful ?

    Totty

  23. tangobob
    Apr 27, 2010 @ 17:37:03

    tangobob

    Are you saying that some men dance with beginner women because they are more grateful ?

    Totty

    Yes, I suppose I am. We men are a bit insecure, whether we admit it or not, we are all lifted by a bit of praise. Also beginneers are less intimidating, I have seen really good dancers sat out because all the men were frightened to ask them. It is a hard thing for a man, who has spent all his life facing rejection, to suddenly be asking confident women to dance.
    Maybe I am just reflecting my own feelings here, but if I am alone in these feelings, you would be dancing all night.

  24. Chris, UK
    Apr 27, 2010 @ 20:22:12

    > Also beginneers are less intimidating

    And often much better dancers. Certainly they don’t have the rote-learned preset steps that I find obstructs dancing with girls who consider themselfves intermediate. I’d say on average, for the same number of years dancing tango, the fewer clases a girl has had, the better dancer she is.

  25. Tango totty
    Apr 28, 2010 @ 11:41:55

    Hmmmm Chris Uk

    Your view worries me and with respect it seems pretty basic that tango purely requires a response to the leader. Should we all stay at beginner level then ?

    Are you saying that so long as you can respond to the lead it doesnt matter about the followers technique, posture or footwork – cos obviously not many beginners will have started tango with a knowledge of this. Then it would just become some kind of dancing free-for-all to tango music.

    Obviously tango is not meant to be about dancing rote learned steps – for the leader or the follower . Its supposed be about learning to lead and follow to the music with feeling BUT with a structured, disciplined and controlled technique – and therein lies the sensuality of the dance. This can take many years but once perfected surely this is actually supposed to improve your quality of the response to the partner and the music.

    Maybe some leaders just cant lead very well and use this as an age old excuse – that beginners are more responsive. Alternatively maybe the ‘intermediate’ followers you have picked to dance with just arent very good dancers.

    Totty

  26. Chris, UK
    Apr 28, 2010 @ 12:40:55

    > Should we all stay at beginner level then ?

    No. Good dancing soon takes a girl beyond.

    > Are you saying that so long as you can
    > respond to the lead it doesnt matter about the
    > followers technique, posture or footwork –

    Not at all.

    > cos obviously not many beginners will have
    > started tango with a knowledge of this.

    That’s no problem – good dancing develops it.

  27. Tango Totty
    Apr 28, 2010 @ 17:06:11

    I am intrigued – How does ‘good dancing’ just develop it ?

  28. Chris, UK
    Apr 28, 2010 @ 18:14:33

    It just does. Look at the thousands of dancers in Argentina who got good just by dancing.

  29. Tango totty
    Apr 28, 2010 @ 22:37:06

    Without any instruction ????? I dont think so…..

  30. tangobob
    Apr 29, 2010 @ 09:45:54

    I agree with Chris here, there is nothing worse than if I lead a pivot and the woman decides she knows what is going on here and does an ocho unled (just an example) .
    The trouble is we learn how to do moves instead of how to lead and how to follow.
    As British people we would stand there wondering what to do next, we need the women in class to practice with, but they need to concentrate more on the follow than the move.
    When in class I rarely do exactly what the teacher asks, because I want the woman to follow me not do it by rote. Just as in the dance I will not partner a woman who tells me I am doing it wrong, her job is to follow and if I am doing something wrong then it is the teachers job to tell me not my partner.

  31. Arlene
    Apr 29, 2010 @ 10:17:52

    Hey Bob,
    When I take a class, I have to say that I really don’t pay too much attention to what move is being taught. When my leader leads the move, I tend to follow what is asked, and it may not be what he is meant to do. I usually get asked by the leader what the problem is. Since I don’t lead I usually ask the teacher to have a look at what he is doing. Usually, the teacher can tell straight away what the problem is and will then use me to show how it is supposed to be done, which I then follow perfectly. I don’t usually have a problem following. I will follow what is lead, even if it isn’t the actual move intended. Some leaders have a problem leading or being clear in their lead.
    @Totty
    When I was a beginner, I learned the basics and interestingly I did dance a lot more than now, even if I wasn’t as skilled. I found that there were few excellent leaders that could dance with me and make me feel really comfortable to enjoy what we were doing. I was advised by an organiser to be more selective with my partners and to watch the dance floor, men and ladies alike. I have received this advice many times over by other more experienced dancers. Watch and learn. The more one does something, the better one would expect to be good at it. Practice makes perfect.

  32. Chris, UK
    Apr 29, 2010 @ 10:34:40

    > Without any instruction ?????

    Yes. Girls learned to dance just by dancing, and many still do today. That’s all a girl needs, because that’s the way the dance works.

    Class instruction arrived only in the 1980s, when foriegners got interested in dancing tango. The method relies on instruction to teach girls to do steps with a guy who cannot lead them.

    Dancing is they way a girl learns to dance with guys who can dance. Classes are the way a girls best learns to (sort-of) dance with guys who CAN’T dance.

  33. Tango Totty
    Apr 29, 2010 @ 15:01:11

    Arlene

    I agree that there are a FEW leaders who are so excellent that it is almost impossible not to be able to follow their lead whatever level of dance you are at. But my point is that there is a bit more to tango dancing than just following the leader to get to any standard requires some level of instruction. How do you know when you that you are using the correct technique, right amount of pivot, correct body position, posture etc. You may end up being a good leader with bad posture, poor technique which becomes entrenched into bad habits if noone corrects you.

  34. Tango Totty
    Apr 29, 2010 @ 15:25:49

    And Tango Bob

    I really dont see why women should have to pay to go to classes just to learn to follow a lead when the leaders are just learning it anyway. Women should go free if they are to be used as guinnea pigs for the leaders – in fact they should be paid because its a waste of their time.

    And Arlene – Practice doesnt necessarily make perfect. Some people will never be able to dance very well no matter how much they practicse. Some people are good but practise with bad technique so get bad habits.

  35. Captain Jep
    Apr 29, 2010 @ 16:18:05

    @Totty
    Selecting followers?
    OK I’ve done some detailed analysis for you! It probably goes as follows :
    a) Are they the right height for me?
    b) Are they standing up so I can judge that properly?
    c) If I’ve seen them dance can they at least pivot on their own axis?
    d) Are they smiling?
    e) Do they look around the room as if they want to dance or are they looking straight across the room bored?
    f) Can I cabaceo them?
    g) Are they sitting too far away for me to bother?
    h) Have they chosen a location where it is impossible for me to “fake”? eg they appear to cabaceo me, but I get it wrong : can I pretend that I was walking to the bar/loos etc : or do I have to humiliate myself instead?
    i) Are they hot?

    Notice how far down the list i) is 🙂

    And : if it’s any comfort, consider this : I recently had a chance to go to a tango marathon. I feel lucky that I didnt. Most of the participants were in their twenties, great dancers, many of them were hot. Being over 35 I would have probably felt myself a leper …

  36. tangobob
    Apr 30, 2010 @ 08:37:32

    A final note on this from me; I entirely agree withh TT about women paying for classes, but then I am not trying to make moeny out of tango. To teach women to do anything other than follow just ruins it for them and us.
    You are right of course some women need a lot of training just to get their posture right, but even for men, they should be dancing at least three times as much as they attend classes, not the other way a round,being a good tango student does not necessarily make you a good dancer.

  37. Chris, UK
    Apr 30, 2010 @ 10:08:08

    > to get to any standard requires some level of instruction

    I do wonder where this idea has come from. Have you been to BsAs and seen the standard that women reach just by dancing with guys who can dance, rather than from instruction?

  38. Chris, UK
    Apr 30, 2010 @ 10:12:03

    > I really dont see why women should have to pay
    > to go to classes just to learn to follow a lead when
    > the leaders are just learning it anyway.

    That’s down to supply and demand. A women has to pay only because there are many other women who are willing to.

  39. Tangobitch
    Oct 08, 2010 @ 03:35:28

    Wow arlene. Did I inspire this bitch article or was this before I started commenting on here? I feel sad to be a tangobitch… Maybe I need a ghandi esque approach “be the change.” but for that I would have to learn to lead! Haha! Totty is right women should go free. Classes except technique ones are pointless and expensive for women and chris is bang on when he says the best way for women to learn is by dancing with good dancers… Maybe that’s why we become dissatisfied bitches :). Totty you are right that many men only dance with women they fancy. Luckily I’ve been able to take advantage of this whilst a beginner. However, many good leaders didn’t come near me til I’d reached a decent standard and interestingly only started fancying me once my dance improved which I find quite strange.

  40. Arlene
    Oct 08, 2010 @ 06:20:13

    @Tangobitch
    Sorry, I wrote this before your comments as I have a tendency to become bitchy on occasion. Such is life. Actually, going to Negracha on a Friday night can bring out supreme bitchyness, but it has been taken over by complete flabbergasterness. Especially at my recent visit. Enjoy your dancing.

  41. Chris, UK
    Oct 09, 2010 @ 23:32:30

    > chris is bang on when he says the best way for women
    > to learn is by dancing with good dancers…

    Did I really say “best”??

    I think I meant “only”.

    > Classes except technique ones are pointless and expensive for women

    For women dancers, sure. Most classes are for those who are non-dancers, instructors or both.

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