Ask Arlene…About Large Bosoms and a Good Tango Connection

From:  Betty Big Boobs
86.164.36.25

Submitted on 2009/04/17 at 1:58pm

Dear Arlene

I am a recent tango newbie who has a very large bust. I have been taking private lessons and my teacher has told me that I now need to learn to dance in the close embrace style. Do you think my prominent bust will affect my ability to get a good tango connection?

Betty

Dear Betty,

I don’t think the size of your bosoms should interfere with having a good Tango connection.  There have been times when I may not have had good Tango connections, but I never thought it had anything to do with certain areas of my anatomy.  If there was something lacking, it probably had more to do with regard to the energy between my partner and myself rather than the size of my breasts.

Women come in a multitude of shapes and sizes and, as far as I know, as long as they have proper posture and hold and a modicum of skill, they seem to be able to get a good Tango connection.

Perhaps the real issue here is learning to dance the close embrace.  Are you frightened of being too close to another human being on the dance floor?  Perhaps you should take a good look at what you may be really concerned about.

I don’t think you have anything to worry about.  Since you say you are having private lessons, you can always try it with your teacher and see if you like it.  If it becomes a problem for you, then maybe you might need to seek some therapy or learn Tango Nuevo.

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25 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Voice of Reason
    May 02, 2009 @ 20:47:43

    Dear Betty

    I think I understand your anxiety completely. However, let me re-assure you that you will have no problem getting a connection if you don’t focus on your body as a problem. Rather I would imagine that for the majority of men the focus will be on your musicality, your embrace and your skills on the floor. I have danced with women of all shapes and sizes and I have never been put off by women blessed with an abundant bosom or by those with a boyish figure. Not that I have batty tendences you understand.
    Ok I may be mildly distracted but thats my problem not yours. Just love what God gave you.

    VOR

  2. Colatango
    May 02, 2009 @ 21:33:25

    Betty,

    What does the rest of your body look like? Are you big all over?

  3. jantango
    May 02, 2009 @ 22:14:45

    A good connection depends on a man being able to embrace his partner. Ideally, his right hand should reach around to her right arm pit.

    Women with large breasts may be appealing to many men. However, when it comes to dancing tango in a close embrace, most Argentine men want to be able to get their arm around a woman.

    I have a girlfriend with large breasts who doesn’t get asked to dance very often in BsAs even though she is a good dancer and very attractive. Milongueros have commented to me privately that they don’t dance with women with large breasts.

    You will find men who are willing to dance with you no matter what size you are. It’s a matter of seeking and finding. The other alternative is breast reduction surgery.

  4. Carlos
    May 03, 2009 @ 01:10:48

    As a leader who likes to dance in the close embrace with many followers of a range of experience I can assure you it is not an issue.

    Those other things (skill, posture, movement) are much more important.

  5. Voice of Reason
    May 03, 2009 @ 11:19:28

    Betty
    For god sake do not and I repeat do not consider surgery for the sake of dancing. If you have other problems like back pain or other medical issues then obviously talk to your GP.
    Unlike Jantango, you are not in Buenos Aires and you should not be influenced by what I understand is a developing surgery culture.
    I danced at Negracha a few months ago with a woman who had been artificially enhanced. She was young and pretty and I hope they made her feel better about herself. They certainly did nothing for the connection, I can tell you. It was like having a couple of Christmas puddings in my chest (still in the plastic bowls) and eventually it became uncomfortable. Obviously Betty you are in the other camp but ask yourself have you ever considered this action before?
    Leaving tango aside for just one moment. If there is an issue you have with your body is it physical or mental? Is surgery ever something you would consider anyway?
    Since my six pack developed into a party pack and now the extra value supersize pack I have occasionaly thought wouldn’t it be wonderful just to have a bit of Lipo to trim me up a bit. Of course I know that it is not for me. That is where I stand. Medical procedures for medical needs not for vanity and certainly not for tango.
    If I ever meet you at a milonga I will be happy to dance with you in a close embrace, even if I can’t get my arm around to your armpit.

    VOR

  6. Betty Big Boobs
    May 03, 2009 @ 11:48:16

    Hi everyone

    Thanks VOR for your encouraging remarks but I am very concerned that Jantango is right. After all she does live in BA !

    Jantango I was actually considering having breast reduction. Do you know the name of any good surgeons in BA? Have you had any work done yourself? Please let me know because then I could go to BA and kill two birds with one stone.

    Thanks

    Betty

  7. Mr. Milonga
    May 03, 2009 @ 12:50:22

    Jantango,

    Are you sucking on the glass pipe?

    Breast size has nothing to do with good dancing, or getting a good connection.

    Suggesting breast reduction surgery is quite frankly ridiculous advice. Before we know it you’ll be advising botox and liposuction to any woman who feels they’re not being asked to dance enough.

    Are you such an advocate of cabeceo, because the only bit of your face that moves are your eyes?

    Betty, love your breasts, they’re a part of who you are. Concentrate on getting better at the dance, which will enable you to get the connection regularly.

  8. jantango
    May 03, 2009 @ 21:16:04

    Betty,

    My friend is a size 38DD/36E, and she has considered having breast reduction. I don’t know a doctor to recommend for the procedure, but it wouldn’t be difficult to find one.

    A milonguero friend shared this with me. He is a very large and tall man himself. A teacher friend wanted him to dance with one of her students who was ready to pay him very well for a tanda. He told me he refused the offer since the woman had very large breasts.

    Mr. Milonga,

    I don’t know what a glass pipe is.

    Professional dancers aren’t normally top heavy unless they are working at men’s clubs as strippers. I am not avocating breast reduction or any other kind of cosmetic enhancement in order to be invited to dance.

    Betty knows that her body is getting in the way of being embraced while dancing. The embrace in tango more important than what’s going on with her feet.

  9. El Chupacabra
    May 03, 2009 @ 21:34:42

    I’m horrified that anyone should consider surgery.

    Good leaders and good followers can have a wonderful dance. Your size doesn’t come into it.

    Ignore the armpit advice.

    (something tells me you want to have surgery despite the comments here ..)

  10. mshedgehog
    May 04, 2009 @ 09:57:48

    Well I have rather small boobs, and I find that adding a bit of padding improves my connection with thin men and makes it easier for me to keep good posture. I think you might even have an advantage in that you can get a good connection without being ear-to-ear, which can present its own problems. You’ll have a bit more margin for error.

    I have danced with big-breasted women leading me and it’s not a problem at all, so I don’t see why it would be a problem the other way round. It’s really easy to follow (as are beer guts). You probably don’t want them moving from side to side, though, so the right bra could be quite important.

    If you feel selfconscious at first in close embrace, which I think is quite natural until you get used to it, you might consider wearing something with a bit more structure than normal, like a good solid basque or even a proper made-to-measure corset (try http://www.axfords.co.uk). Then just park them on his chest and don’t worry about it. If he gets frightened that’s his problem.

  11. Nick
    May 04, 2009 @ 11:22:04

    Dear Betty, personally when I dance with a women with a big breast I feel an excellent physical and emotional connection. I do not agree with the view of jantango. Any comparison with professional dancers is in my opinion out of place, we all go to milongas to do social dancing and to enjoy ourselves whatever our body types are. When you start social dancing, if you have not already started, you will find any kind of people and some of those will be willing to dance with you and others will not and you also will be willing or not to dance with certain people. So actually I cannot see any point. Betty, where do you dance normally? 🙂

  12. tangogal1
    May 04, 2009 @ 11:29:41

    Dear Betty,

    The comments here are hilarious.

    I too am a large busted woman (DD/E) and at first I was very self-concious in the close embrace. Until I got over myself and realised that it was just dancing! This realisation took me over a year to get to.

    Most men have arms that are plenty long enough to get around any woman’s back. Unless they have a very large beer belly themselves then the combination of big belly and big boobs will probably require a little adjustment.

    The embrace and connection will vary from parner to partner regardless of size so my advice to you is to get on with it!

    Tangogal1

  13. David Bailey
    May 04, 2009 @ 16:29:03

    One of my practice partners is very well-endowed; it’s not a problem. Another is not; again, it’s not a problem.

    Anyone who can’t deal with different partner shapes and sizes is, frankly, a poor dancer.

    And Jantango, I’m gobsmacked that you’re seriously suggesting a surgical operation; that’s just nuts.

  14. Voice of Reason
    May 04, 2009 @ 20:19:33

    Hey Bbb’s

    I too am shocked by the lack of sensitivity that Jantango is giving to you in this matter. I feel that regardless of ones own opinion this situation needs careful handling. I’m sure you will agree that public opinion outweighs her very one sided view. As far as men go and I think I speak for the majority, we all accept what we are lucky enough to get.
    Jantango about your friend, is she really 36E? Please don’t let her diminish her assets. Not for the sake of satisfying unrealistic ambition. Is she over 25? Will she be in London over the next year? Is she a good dancer? We are at her disposal.
    Finally Betty always remember to weigh up your options carefully and don’t be manipulated by a mamary obsessed culture.

    VOR x

  15. Tango totty
    May 04, 2009 @ 20:23:36

    Jantango

    Hmmmm………….. Aren’t you just a little titsy witsy bitsy jealous of these well endowed women? LMAO

    Totty

  16. jantango
    May 05, 2009 @ 03:13:16

    I’m proud to say that even though I’m American, I know what “gobsmacked” means after reading a Sophie Kinsella book.

    I will not recommend or suggest surgery to anyone; that is a personal decision to make. I wouldn’t do it myself. Betty has told us that she has considered breast reduction. There are women who have it done to improve the quality of their lives.

    I have told you about my 38DD friend and a milonguero who don’t want to dance with large-breasted women. In fact, this same milonguero danced once with my friend eight years ago and never invited her again. My friend has spent considerable time in Buenos Aires going to milongas with me. The milonguero has ignored her. I know the reason.

    This has been an interesting discussion.

  17. Bill
    May 05, 2009 @ 16:45:02

    I once danced with a woman who was wearing a Corset (or was it a bullet proof vest?) . Talk about ruining the connection, it was like dancing with a plastic statue.

  18. Arlene
    May 05, 2009 @ 16:50:57

    I was sent this link, it might be useful: http://www.oprah.com/media/20080601_tows_tows_20051115_1

  19. Nick
    May 05, 2009 @ 18:02:22

    Now I understand better Jantango. If she says that ONE milonguero does not want to dance with large breasted women is a story. To tell that it is difficult to dance with large breasted women is a completely different story and in essence it is not true. I have never had problems with large breasted women and really I felt a better connection.

  20. David Bailey
    May 05, 2009 @ 19:37:55

    @Jantango:

    “I will not recommend or suggest surgery to anyone; that is a personal decision to make.”
    – Yeah, but come on, deciding to have surgery for dancing? That’s nuts, and I have no problem in saying so, rather than adopting a neutral “It’s your call” tone.

    “I have told you about my 38DD friend and a milonguero who don’t want to dance with large-breasted women. In fact, this same milonguero danced once with my friend eight years ago and never invited her again. My friend has spent considerable time in Buenos Aires going to milongas with me. The milonguero has ignored her. I know the reason.”
    – I can readily accept that there are some fools in the world. But:
    A/ One anecdote is not a trend
    B/ We ain’t in Buenos Aires.

  21. Mr. Milonga
    May 05, 2009 @ 21:55:44

    Jantango

    Betty only mentioned she was considering breast reduction AFTER your comment about surgery.

    The milonguero you mentioned might be the one with the problem. If he can’t handle a woman with good breasts he probably isn’t worth your friend worrying about in the first place.

    Tell her to move on. Or have you suggested that she have her breasts reduced?

  22. Captain Jep
    May 06, 2009 @ 16:48:04

    Hmmm well my personal view on this is a bit less extreme than others. I think big boobs do make it more difficult in close embrace where there is a big height difference between the partners. It’s just not as easy to connect when you’re actually “boobs” to “stomach”. However as with all dancing you can still enjoy it and still get something out of it.

    Of course Argentines are smaller than Europeans (on the whole) so it would be less of a problem were you to go to Buenos Aires!

    Like others I would never suggest breast reduction just because of dancing. However if you want to do it for other reasons then BsAs is one of the world capitals for plastic surgery.

    However, Im not sure how practical it would be to combine the two. You cant just have major surgery then get up to dance the next day…

  23. Arlene
    May 08, 2009 @ 06:08:42

    Dear Betty,

    To add insult to injury, M&S has been charging £2 more for bras in the larger sizes. Story here: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1177548/Bra-wars-Marks-amp-Spencer-faces-revolt-2-surcharge-DD-cup-underwear.html
    However, I just heard on the news this morning that they are backing down and reducing the prices.
    Now that is the kind of reduction that I approve of!

  24. Muriel
    May 08, 2009 @ 16:50:37

    Breast reduction is a drastic operation that is very likely to leave you with big scars. Think about it well!
    Tango is definitely not a good enough reason to do this!

  25. Elise
    Jun 05, 2010 @ 22:50:05

    wow !

    I am tall and have fairly big breasts (EE) and it has never occurred to me that they could be considered a problem. My regular partner is taller than me and bony – I think he quite enjoys the close contact with my airbags. I really let myself “sink” into his embrace and sense every move he will make. He has long arms and is very capable of reaching around my back – and if he could´t – so what ?

    My other partner is shorter than me – older latin gentleman – with a very pronunced belly – we are a perfect fit – my breasts on top if his belly – and I rest my hand on his shoulder – feels very nice and relaxing. With him – close embrace is more natural than open.
    Enjoy tango, your generous body and the men who apreciate it – La Fregadita

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